*** Please consult your physician before proceeding with any lifestyle changes. If you have a history of trauma, know that you are always in choice. Nothing here is obligatory. Follow your own pacing and if you become overwhelmed, seek additional supports or contact a therapist.***
Dear Fellow Human,
Do you have a tendency to rate yourself by your performance, instead of valuing your inherent worth simply in being alive?
It is a common human experience to assign negative meaning to ourselves, and decide whether or not we are worthwhile based on “how we did,” or “how things turn out.” The truth about life is, even though we can make choices and that’s an empowering reality, a parallel reality also exists in which there are many times we don’t have control over how things will turn out. (5)
Can we prevent being in an earthquake?
Did I really have control over whether that other car hit mine while I was parked in the parking lot or not?
Or what about being born with a genetic disease?
While there are often things we can do to tweak our actions, like how we will take care of ourselves if we are ill, or even how we take care of ourselves to attempt to prevent getting ill, we still are very human… and fragile in our ability to control ultimate outcomes.
The only thing that is truly within our control is whether we are attempting to live in accordance with what feels like truest versions of ourselves. (4)
One thing that helped me begin to shift out of this model of rating myself and into a framework with more acceptance, was learning about the Transtheoretical Model of Change, or TTM. (1, 2) Before I knew about TTM, if I wasn’t reaching my goals, or spent a week not exercising, I’d think things like… “I’m really lazy.” Or, “I’m such an unmotivated person,” or “I’m really terrible at running”. But as I began to understand the idea that people aren’t always ready for action, I learned I could miss giving credit to subtler elements of growth and change if I was locked into evaluative thinking. Learning about TTM began to free me up to view the world in different ways. Understanding TTM offers an alternative way of looking at things, a way that I believe holds more space for a realistic and kinder world.
So what is TTM?
TTM asserts that change doesn’t happen linearly,
but instead is a series of stages that we flow through,
sometimes forward, sometimes backwards.
TTM classifies the process of changing into five stages. These stages are called:
The five stages (1, 2)
- Pre-contemplation
- Contemplation
- Preparation
- Action
- Maintenance
Here’s a way to think about this with the example of running…
- I’m not ready to consider running = Pre-contemplation
- Maybe I’ll start running in 6 months = Contemplation
- I’ve bought some running shoes and am thinking of signing up for a 5k = Preparation
- I’ve started to run 3 times a week to prepare for my 5k = Action
- I’ve been running 2-3 times a week for over 6 months = Maintenance
A lot of systems and programs are setup to praise and work with people exclusively in the action or maintenance stages. However, in reality people are often not ready for action. Health coaching which trains in TTM by contrast, asserts that change is happening at many stages other than action, in many ways… like when we are thinking and considering options. TTM doesn’t consider a “lack of action” a moral failing, where we label someone as lazy or lacking will power. Instead, TTM considers “lack of action” simply a dot on the map that says, I am here. It considers these stages a natural part of the way we move through life and change as humans, and there is nothing wrong or faulty with that. (1, 2)
I am
Here
Understanding this helped me begin the process of letting go of some of the frustrations and judgments I’d experience. Instead of getting frustrated with my husband when he’d say “I’m going to build that shed,” when he wouldn’t build it right away, I’d realize… oh, he’s in the preparation stage of change. He has bought some lumber, but he is still sorting out his motivations and plans before he begins to act (i.e. build). Or instead of thinking of myself as a failure because I didn’t start running 3 days a week when I thought I was going to in June, I examined my motivations further and realized… I wasn’t really ready to run yet, I was still in contemplation.
While my examples may initially appear like they are excusing an apparent “lack of action”, if we keep following the line of thinking of TTM they actually don’t. Not only does TTM say we are at different stages of change at different times for different items, but it also addresses there are ways to help motivate us to progress from one stage to the next so we can gain momentum. What is also noteworthy about this is that the ways to motivate yourself or others varies depending upon the stage of change you’re in. For example motivating yourself in the action stage, can be very different than contemplation. (1, 2)
So What do we do?
Sometimes, if we are in a pre-action stage, we need to do things like explore the benefits and deficits of potential actions. We may need to think about who we will become or how our life will change if we become someone who runs. We may need to do a lot of mental work to solidify motivations that will hold up for us when we are ready to act. In action stages, we may for example need additional social support and encouragement, we may need to amend our environment to better fit our new lifestyle. We may need different supports, for different things at different stages, at different times. (1, 2)
I like to offer this idea for my clients to try a different way of looking at things.
What if instead of thinking to yourself, “I’m so lazy.”
You swapped judgement with curiosity?
This could look like considering thoughts such as…
“What stage of change am I in?”
And “What can I do to get myself to the next stage?”
Or “What supports do I need for the stage I’m in right now?”
It is such a common human experience…
to view ourselves or things as exclusively good or bad especially when we are trying to make changes, instead of focusing on what we are learning. Our human tendency to focus on the “bad” is called the negativity bias. Life can have the illusion of feeling safer if we tend to think of things in good/bad, black/white because it gives us a sense of control. Yet the truth is that control is imaginary, and keeping ourselves attached to negative thinking can hamper the possibility for growth. If we can allow ourselves to think in less binary ways, we open up space for curiosity and potential. (5) Curiosity is where our brain from a neuroscience lens stays most cognitively available. Meaning… if we stay curious, the parts of our brain that are most creative, able to think, and resourceful stay online and available for our optimum use. We will have the most resources available to support us in changing if we stay curious. (3)
Staying curious is a continued process of learning and unlearning ways of relating to ourselves, our experiences, and environments.
TTM became a new way for me to exploring looking at my actions with less judgement. Whether it’s trying to support our growth with less negativity bias or understanding TTM, both can be valuable tools that can be useful in our personal lives or in the health coaching process. Staying curious can have many benefits. (5)
If you desire to take some additional time to peek under the surface and deepen your own curiosity after reading you can:
Think about the following…
What ways do I judge myself when I don’t act?
What words do I use when I judge myself, and what could I tell myself instead?
Using the idea of TTM, how could I look at my “inaction” differently?
Did TTM peak your curiosity today?
For more depth on TTM, check out
In the spirit of the quality of life,
Kristen
References
- Clemente, Carlo Di; Prochaska, James O. (1977). Transtheoretical Model of Change. University of Rhode Island
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transtheoretical_model - Prochaska, James O.; Prochaska, Janice M. (2016). Changing to Thrive. https://jprochaska.com/books/changing-to-thrive-book/
- https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352289514000101
- Hayes, Stephen. (2022) How Choice Points Provide a Pathway Through Uncertainty. (video)
- https://www.verywellmind.com/negative-bias-4589618